Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
