Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I touched a dick in church today
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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