dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
