I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
