and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
