whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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