lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
