I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
