I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
