She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
