wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
