I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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