we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize