she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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