Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
