i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
