Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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