Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
