Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
