oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
