What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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