In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
