she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i think i just lost a toe
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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