Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
