I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
