hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize