Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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