my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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