Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
