my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
