just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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