I didn't shave. On purpose
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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