I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Randomize
