i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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