I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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