It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
