It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
