So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
