I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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