When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
