i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Randomize
