Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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