i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
