Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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