Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
