If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
