That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
