is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
