The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
