I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
