omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
