He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
