My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
