3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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