you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
