I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
