i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
