im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize