I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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