I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
