we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
