wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
