If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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