Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
