Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
