ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
