i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
