So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
