It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
