All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
