Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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