i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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