someone threw a dead crab at me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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