Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
