Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
